Alcohol is a Depressant

When we are having a bad day or we are angry or upset, we some times think, “Hey a drink would make this all better…”

Well yeah, maybe a drink will help for a little while to blast our thoughts and feelings away, but as soon as we come to, we are dealing with hang overs and toxic depression and God knows who, you may wake up with, the next morning. LOL

Alcohol will only build up in our systems and make us irritable, discontent and DEPRESSED.

It is a classified depressant.

I couldn’t find one of my favorite Carlene Carter songs, I Was Too Drunk to Remember, to post here

(LOVE her!! Still have my vinyl with Nick Lowe, then married to Carlene briefly in the 80s)

BUT in keeping with rodeo week here in Houston, here is Carlene with

I Fell in Love

Too Drunk to Remember
Well I woke up this morning
To a telephone call
And that’s when I noticed
Strange shoes in the hall
Well my head is reelin’
You say “Hi, how
you feelin’?”
But I don’t recognize you at all
I was too drunk to remember

I was too blind to see
I had a helluva time
But it just slipped my mind
At least I got home in one piece

Well I look in the mirror
Filled with disgrace

Mascara runnin’ all over my face
How can I endure
When it’s all just a blur
Things that go bump in the night
Well darlin’, you know that I love you
If you’re sure that’s what I said
I mean it’s so hard to recognize you
You just wearin’ that bag on your head
Well my head is reelin’
You say “Hi, how
you feelin’?”
But I don’t recognize you at all

Redneck Serenity Prayer

I ain’t what I want to be .

I ain’t what I ought to be

I ain’t what I will be

But thank you God,

I ain’t what I used to be.

It’s a peaceful thought to know that we don’t have to be any thing other than a sober alcoholic that enjoys life. Many of us have received so many gifts after getting sober.

But we are constantly reminded that all this could disappear if we take that first drink or drug or indulge in addictive behavior.

My treat is diet coke.

That seems like a big indulgence at times when my usual drink is tea or coffee.

When I go really crazy I get sugar-free ice cream.. HaHa! Born to be wild!!

Sunday, my post punk band recorded in a famous studio here in Houston, an incredible experience.

Playing and creating music is my drug of choice now. I don’t have to do it for work.

It is pure pleasure and my experience now is so different from it was when I was using and playing in bands in the late 70s and 80s.

SO much better.

Just like every thing else improves in my life, so does my relationship with the spirit of music.










Born To Be Wild  (LIve)


Kitchen Table

Kitchen Table Suggestions

I asked Ebby to repeat once more what he had said over my kitchen table
in Brooklyn that first time he told me how he had gotten sober.
“Well,” he said, “you know, you get honest with yourself; you make a self-survey; 
you talk it out with the other guy;
you quit living alone
and begin to get straight with the world around by making restitution;
you try the kind of giving that demands no reward either in approval,
prestige, or money; and you ask whatever higher power there is,
even if it is just an experiment,
to help you find the grace to be released from alcoholism.”
The Language of the Heart,  pp. 283-84

Photo Dianna R.

If I should fall from Grace with God

Where no doctor can relieve me

If I’m buried neath the sod

But the angels won’t receive me

Let me go, boys
Let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry
This land was always ours
Was the proud land of our fathers
It belongs to us and them
Not to any of the others
Let them go, boys
Let them go, boys
Let them go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry
Bury me at sea
Where no murdered ghost can haunt me
If I rock upon the waves
Then no corpse can lie upon me
Its coming up three, boys
Keeps coming up three, boys
Let them go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry
If I should fall from grace with god
Where no doctor can relieve me
If Im buried neath the sod
But the angels wont receive me
Let me go, boys
Let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

Spunky Devil

Day 57 of doing 90 AA meetings in 90 days. Having a GREAT time meeting new people and going to meetings all over town.

When I got sober I really thought, “My life is over.”

When I gave up alcohol 21 years ago I thought, “What fun is this? No one I know is sober.”

When I gave up sugar three years ago, I thought, “Is there life after refined sugar?”

Yes, I have happily survived living without those things.

In Tarot, the card that signifies addiction, is the Devil.

The Devil means  BONDAGE TO THE MATERIAL WORLD   Yikes!!

This could be addiction to anything, but it can also mean bondage to an emotion:

Rage, worry, jealousy, anger, fear, disappointment, guilt, remorse, envy, romantic love, sadness all can be an obsession.

Anything can be used to keep us from the positive power we can tap into.

Addiction can make us do crazy things.

It isn’t easy of course. Courage and energy are involved to get sober or to give up an obsession or an addiction, but it starts with the first step.

“We admitted we were powerless over____ and our lives have become unmanageable.”

One has to be aware their behavior is an addiction.

The people being held captive by the Devil are not really chained. They have choice.

I never thought being sober was cool, but it is great to be able to think and accomplish and communicate and actually finish our ideas.

The physical world : Working out, running, sex and just getting the day done physically is way better and FUN!

Many perks to living the sober life.

I am more of a little Devil than ever…but in a good way.


Big Boys 1982

You don’t understand what we are trying to say
you don’t listen to us anyway
all of this, is just for fun
we ain’t here, to hurt no one

fun fun fun
that’s what we say
fun fun fun
that’s what we play
fun fun fun
no matter what they think
fun fun fun
who asked em’ anyway

im a punk, and i like sham
cockney rejects, are the worlds greatest band
but I like joy division, and public image too
thery’re an image of what im suppose to be


Spring is here in Texas and we are So loving the sun… Loving the crazy birds singing all around here…Life begins to peak its head out of the sleeping earth.

Crazy Rodeo trail ride comes rolling in. Signs of hotness ahead in H-Town arise.

When we have resentments we are told to focus on all we have in our lives, not what we don’t have.

This creates a deep gratitude in our hearts.

So many times we forget how incredible it is to be alive and to be aware of all the super great gifts.

We get bogged down in what we can’t control.

Some of us participate with online gratitude lists that we share everyday.

I don’t always write a list every day and send it, but there are 45 people on the list I am on.

We reply all and each send an email of what we are grateful for throughout the day.

I am constantly reminded that I have nothing to complain about.

Great tool!

Daily gratitude is like chemo is to cancer for an addict. You need to do it to survive.

My sponsor says Great-Full.

So grateful for so much today.

Life is an amazing gift.

Nick Cave

Into My Arms

Change Happens Any Way

Change is the hardest thing for all of us.
It is scary when our present day lives transform without our permission.
People die, pets die, we move, lose a lover, a job, we change our way of seeing things, we retire, we get ill and it all seems very scary.
Many of us try to fit our round selves in a square hole thinking square is “normal” or “right”.
We end up miserable and frustrated and some times these instances can end badly.
We become severely depressed from holding in our anger or worse.
We push and push and try to stop change and “make” things go our way.
Change happens any way.
I was speaking with a friend who was trying to put her last relationship into words.
Here is her take on change…
“I was trying to be “normal” and create a wonderfully permanent, unchanging married type household and life. I think I pursued it partly because I was seeking the security of the unchanging. This happened at a time when it began to seem that change was accelerating.
Now that some time has passed, it occurs to me that I was pursuing a very last century idea just as the new century was arriving. A very 1950’s ideal, where two people would form up together as a unit and establish a life that felt very secure in its unchanging stability. But, now it seems that change is so pervasive and rapid that it is not possible or even positive to strive for the unchanging — instead to be aware all the time, so at least I enjoy the moment, and try to be flexible enough to find the joys and beauty or at least the fresh opportunities that constant change presents.”
So, change is about One Day at a Time. Sometimes it is One Minute at a Time and we have the freedom to change any time we want.
We can start over at any time.
If we welcome change and let go of controlling the present, we will be more at peace

And the good changes keep on coming…

Sam Cooke wrote this anthem for the 60’s Civil rights Movement.

Covered by Lauryn Hill and many others.

Though only a moderate success sales-wise, “A Change Is Gonna Come” became an anthem for the American Civil Rights Movement, and is widely considered Cooke’s best composition. Over the years, the song has garnered significant praise and, in 2005, was voted number 12 by representatives of the music industry and press in Rolling Stone magazine’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, and voted number 3 in the webzine Pitchfork Media’s The 200 Greatest Songs of the 60s. The song is also among three hundred songs deemed the most important ever recorded by National Public Radio and was recently selected by the Library of Congress as one of twenty-five selected recordings to the National Recording Registry as of March 2007. The song is currently ranked as the 95th greatest song of all time, as well as the seventh best song of 1965, by Acclaimed Music.

False Pride Became the Reverse Side of the Ruinous Coin Marked FEAR

OK, Nuff of this heavy stuff.
It’s gorgeous here.
Life is super fun.
We got a fever and the
only thing we need is,
MORE COWBELL!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t Fear the Reaper
Blue Oyster Cult

Lucky Eleven

The Eleventh Step

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

I know, I know, More praying and God stuff, but don’t let the God stuff keep you from getting and staying sober.

It’s all about letting go of control and allowing a power greater than ourselves to work in our lives.
I love the instruction of the 11th step.
We are to Pray ONLY for the knowledge of our Higher Power’s will for US and the power to carry that out.

This means pray for US not just for yourself, so if you’re having a hard time with someone who has done you wrong, you are instructed to pray for the knowledge of the will of God for both of you.

This means you pray for this person to have what you would want for yourself.

Pray for the blessings of the good in the world for both of you.

Your Higher Power wants the best for both of you, for the rest of the world for that matter.

Our Higher Power wants peace, love, kindness, prosperity and all the good blessings for all of us.

This means you let go of all your hate and anger and retaliation and resentment and blame and bad mouthing and trying to hurt the other person and  pray for them as you would for yourself.

It’s like the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.


This is a good thing to practice


you can just sing this Godsmack song and call it a day…

I Fucking Hate You
For everything you do, I’d like to swallow you
And everyday I’m gonna blame you
Even if you justify every fucking bullshit lie
It only makes me want to break you

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin’

‘Cause I fucking hate you, you’re such a liar
And I love to hate you, you’re all the same to me

When you repeated me take advantage of me
The only thought I get of you sickens me
Everybody knows your fate, you’re everything I fucking hate
And I’m everything that you could never be

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin’

‘Cause I fucking hate you, you’re such a liar
And I love to hate you, you’re all the same to me
I fucking you hate you, you’re such a liar
And I love to hate you, you’re all the same to me

Fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It’s broken now don’t ever look my way
Don’t even think I’m playin’

‘Cause I fucking hate you, you’re such a liar
And I love to hate you, you’re all the same to me
And I fucking hate, you’re such a liar
And I love to hate you, you’re all the same to me

Fuck you


Love this subject. We talk about it in the 2nd step.

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

This step does not promise sure sanity. It just says “COULD restore us to sanity”.

I take this to mean, IF we do the work. Meaning, how many of us are really willing to turn our lives over to a Higher Power?

Yeah, we say we are Christians and Holy and all that crap and we pray and blah blah, but how many of us are sneaky little buggers? Sneaking around like naughty children still trying to pull some thing over on someone and all we fool is ourselves? How many of us try to control and ride roughshod over others? or play the victim or stay in denial so we can tolerate a hopeless situation. All this is insanity.

Ya, we are all guilty, right?

So, can we absolutely without half measures let go and let our Higher Power run the show?

It takes trust in our Higher Power in order to do so.

So how do we get there?

In the second step we take this opportunity to define what God is.

Is it a big white boogie man in the sky that punishes us?

Is it an ancient man of wisdom that lived a life many people have interpreted and written and translated about over and over?

Is it a hairy sandal dude?

Is it a big fat man sitting in a Lotus position?

What is it to YOU?

Not your Mama’s God or your childhood fantasy, but the God of your own personal understanding.

When we can trust in this power, it becomes easy to turn our decisions and lives over to its care.

This does not mean we become amoebas with no power of choice. It just means our gut will guide us instead of our heads or our hearts.

If you feel guilty about some thing you probably are. If you know you are doing some thing to hurt another person or situation, you probably are and your gut lets you know if this is you running the show or your Higher Power’s best interest for you?

Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is INSANITY.