Change Happens Any Way

Change is the hardest thing for all of us.
It is scary when our present day lives transform without our permission.
People die, pets die, we move, lose a lover, a job, we change our way of seeing things, we retire, we get ill and it all seems very scary.
Many of us try to fit our round selves in a square hole thinking square is “normal” or “right”.
We end up miserable and frustrated and some times these instances can end badly.
We become severely depressed from holding in our anger or worse.
We push and push and try to stop change and “make” things go our way.
Change happens any way.
I was speaking with a friend who was trying to put her last relationship into words.
Here is her take on change…
“I was trying to be “normal” and create a wonderfully permanent, unchanging married type household and life. I think I pursued it partly because I was seeking the security of the unchanging. This happened at a time when it began to seem that change was accelerating.
Now that some time has passed, it occurs to me that I was pursuing a very last century idea just as the new century was arriving. A very 1950’s ideal, where two people would form up together as a unit and establish a life that felt very secure in its unchanging stability. But, now it seems that change is so pervasive and rapid that it is not possible or even positive to strive for the unchanging — instead to be aware all the time, so at least I enjoy the moment, and try to be flexible enough to find the joys and beauty or at least the fresh opportunities that constant change presents.”
So, change is about One Day at a Time. Sometimes it is One Minute at a Time and we have the freedom to change any time we want.
We can start over at any time.
If we welcome change and let go of controlling the present, we will be more at peace

And the good changes keep on coming…

Sam Cooke wrote this anthem for the 60’s Civil rights Movement.

Covered by Lauryn Hill and many others.

Though only a moderate success sales-wise, “A Change Is Gonna Come” became an anthem for the American Civil Rights Movement, and is widely considered Cooke’s best composition. Over the years, the song has garnered significant praise and, in 2005, was voted number 12 by representatives of the music industry and press in Rolling Stone magazine’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, and voted number 3 in the webzine Pitchfork Media’s The 200 Greatest Songs of the 60s. The song is also among three hundred songs deemed the most important ever recorded by National Public Radio and was recently selected by the Library of Congress as one of twenty-five selected recordings to the National Recording Registry as of March 2007. The song is currently ranked as the 95th greatest song of all time, as well as the seventh best song of 1965, by Acclaimed Music.

One Comment on “Change Happens Any Way”

  1. Kate says:

    I’ve been thinking about how hard it is for me to get into/stay in relationships, because I am so often confronted by the feeling of being trapped in an empty room. A room devoid of any objects, any entertainment, a room I have somehow stuck myself in. Someone suggested that feeling comes from being with someone who isn’t challenging me, who I am not growing with. And growth IS change.
    I imagine, and at this point for me, it is all theory, a great relationship is built upon its ability to change and flux, that the crux of the whole thing is that it is not static. That each person pushes the other to learn more, to become different than they were before, to become enlightened and interested and changed. Because it is inevitable. You will change. And if you want to remain connected to someone, you both have to be ok with that.

    I know I have begun to look at change differently since becoming sober. Just doing that got me out of an empty room I had trapped myself in, alone. It was a welcome change. Unlike you, I had already begun to identify The Drinking Life as patently un-fun (at least for myself). And the change of getting sober has allowed me to identify those empty rooms before I step into them, to not allow myself to get trapped in them, to welcome the idea of an open, changing space in which to live, even if it feels more exposed. I lived through the fairly big change of deciding to live sober, and so far, so great!
    So while I know not all change will be good or easy, at least I know I can survive it, and usually survive it well. And I know I never want to get stuck behind 4 walls again; sometimes safety can be suffocating.

    “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” -Socrates (maybe, you can only trust the internet so far)
    I’ve always loved this quote/idea. It seems like the best treatise for living a life expecting change. If you want to learn and grow, you must understand that you are not finished understanding, that there is always something out there that that can teach you, that you can learn from. We are un-finshed until the day we die. And even then, in the minds and hearts of those who remember us, we continue, but with the ultimate loss of control of ourselves, our image, the ultimate acceptance (if a bit forced) of change.

    Thanks for this site, SoberDriver! I’m so glad for the chance to participate in this thought provoking exercise!!

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