IF Only


Loss is an amazing lesson we all have to face. It sucks. it’s painful and we can stay angry and unhappy for years. Every day we have losses, some small, some enormous. We don’t get what we want and we feel like there was something we coulda’ shoulda’ done to change the outcome..

We think, “If only, I had done something different, I coulda changed the way things turned out. If I  had been smarter or thinner or had more money or shown up on time, worn something different or just hadn’t driven down that street today. If only I were better looking or healthier, maybe things would have turned out differently.”

We stay mad at ourselves and those who didn’t give us what we want.

Again with the acceptance. The only thing we can do is accept our losses and move on.

Nothing we change on the outside will change what is damaged and lost. It’s an inside job. Letting go and moving on out of fantasy of what we want and getting what we need is the only way to get out of the pain of loss.

Some of us are willing to accept that nagging feeling that some thing isn’t quite right We believe in our own lie to ourself and discount what we know we need to change. We have so much fear of letting go and trusting our Higher Power. Sadly, many of us settle.

So, maybe loss isn’t as bad as accepting a life sentence of not getting our needs met.

I don’t want to say “if Only” at the end of my life….

Sonic Youth

From Rather Ripped

Jams Run Free 2008

Blasted earth
All immersed
Gold in cave
The blondes come first

I love the way you move
I hope it’s not
too late for me
it’s too good on the sea
where the light is green,
where the light is green

Jagged brain
Slow refrain
We love the jams,
and jams run free

I love the way you move
I hope it’s not
too late for me
it’s too good on the sea
where the light is green,
where the light is green

Jagged brain
Slow refrain


2 Comments on “IF Only”

  1. Wren says:

    No regrets.
    No second thoughts.
    As my parents age, that’s what guides me. I don’t want that nagging question of whether I could have been there to hold their hand or called to say hello, but didn’t.


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