Holding People Hostage


We hate the subject of Co-dependency and we contemplate the idea that we really believe in people being addicted to each other.

We use Co-dependency and Love addiction as diagnosis when dealing with relationships. These terms seem too broad. It is not as easy to spot the disease in “normal” people, as it is in an addict, who is outright drinking and doing drugs and having blatant affairs.

The term Co-dependency means we depend on another person to complete us in some way or another. Like your cool ain’t cool enough or you need another person to make us look like we are important in some way, “normal” or even loved. Politicians do it with marriages for the public. Both partners are held in hostage so they can have a means to an end, win an election or just save face in the public.

The idea behind a healthy relationship is interdependent, not co-dependent. This means one would have had to grow up coming out of the family house and become super independent 100% so as not to attract a person who we complete in some way. My “better half ” comes to mind that old saying our parents used. Today we would hopefully can use the term my “better whole” meaning this person enhances our lives and there is no need to complete or  fix them in any way. That is why when the relationship is over for any reason we can let go and know we are going to survive the break up.

Otherwise we are held hostage over settlements like property, children, we even see animals as part of a war of the roses. Very few are adult and mature enough to  move on with confidence and grace. We have to win over the other person and make them wrong and bad before we can let go. Even then the joke is we can still hang on and hold them hostage over guilt and shame.

Funny how those horrible break ups in the news with politicians and celebs don’t seem to really affect their careers.

The press getting the dirt only makes them more popular, even if they are a joke.

The partners make a deal sub consciously when they meet and it is not always based on love.  Pre-nups are asked to be signed, in the beginning a deal is made on some kind of level the trust is already broken and the sick, enmeshed dance begins.

We have all participated in these relationships not only in affairs of the heart, but recreating this at work with friends and in continuing in the family even long after leaving the family home.

The energy shifts, but the deal we made in the beginning persists. Our parents still see us as the weird punk rock kid who gave them fright or the little darling that dazzled.

It’s all such a huge mind fuck.

Pretenders

PRIVATE LIFE  1981 Live Germany

YOUR PRIVATE LIFE DRAMA BABY LEAVE ME OUT

J’AI LES GLANDS WITH YOUR THEATRICS

YOUR ACTING’S A DRAG
IT’S OK ON TV ‘CAUSE YOU CAN TURN IT OFF
BUT DON’T TRY ME
YES YOUR MARRIAGE IS A TRAGEDY
BUT IT’S NOT MY CONCERN
I’M VERY SUPERFICIAL I HATE ANYTHING OFFICIAL
YOUR PRIVATE LIFE DRAMA BABY LEAVE ME OUT
YOU’VE BEEN LYING TO SOMEONE AND NOW ME
STOP
YOUR SENTIMENTAL GESTURES ONLY BORE ME TO DEATH
YOU’VE MADE A DESPERATE APPEAL NOW SAVE YOUR BREATH
ATTACHMENT TO OBLIGATION THROUGH GUILT AND REGRET
SHIT THAT’S SO WET
AND YOUR SEX LIFE COMPLICATIONS ARE NOT MY FASCINATIONS

YOU ASKED ME FOR ADVICE I SAID USE THE DOOR
BUT YOU’RE STILL CLINGING TO SOMEBODY YOU DEPLORE
AND NOW YOU WANNA USE ME FOR EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
I JUST FEEL PITY WHEN YOU LIE, CONTEMPT WHEN YOU CRY


One Comment on “Holding People Hostage”

  1. anon says:

    ok….this one was for me…..youre so on target…..i want to be loved to feel complete….thanks for the insight….reminder…… hook up…… and direction…..working on my private life……you show so much Truth….i dont use a capital with that word often…..


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