The 7 Stages of Grief


Happiness means being at Peace with ourselves where ever we are.

Dealing with Loss and Pain

Losing a loved one by death separation, divorce, break up or even just not getting we felt was an important opportunity can be the source of feelings of confusion, anger and pain. We experience tiny losses all throughout our day.

The 7 Stages of Grief

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the loss on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring her back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. 

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.



Gifts


Grateful

For all the gifts of pain

For all the gifts of humility

For all the gifts of faith

For all the gifts of truth

 

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.

Frank Lloyd Wright


New Year Bliss


Around summer, I felt the incredible simplicity of Houston and just basic southern living. It was way hot due to the lack of rain and we had to slow way down to function. Known as the city of “fronts, Houston gets the backlash of whatever weather is going on around us. So last summer, we caught a desert fire wind for a few months which has now passed into this amazing winter.

Our winters are mild here in Houston. We have sun almost every day with a cool crispness most would call Fall. It is gorgeous and what I call “Soft.”

The much needed rain falls and we are grateful.

How fortunate we are to live in this laid back city that feels that easy energy! In the winter, we can run every day, be outside in the sun and our energy bills go way down, because we don’t use the air conditioners or much heat.

I am 22 years sober today. I am so grateful for my Higher Power, for my life, my sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous, the people of Alcoholic Anonymous, my experiences, my successes, my losses, my soul mates, my friends, my enemies, my co-workers, my pets, my family, my work, my health, my creative work, the every day routine of my work, the trials of my life and the incredible miracles of my life. For the peace I feel that no matter what happens I am never alone, never abandoned and I will always land on my feet as long as I stay aligned with the will of my Higher Power.

I am grateful for my sobriety so I can experience ALL of my feelings, for my time alone, for my time together, for being able to be present at the deaths I have experienced, to be present for my loved ones who suffered great loss, to be present for my pets when I needed to put them to sleep, for all the hardest aspects of my life, because that is what has made me so much stronger and alive to know the truth and to face what is real.
I don’t always get what I want, but I get what I need. And I just want to say, “Thank you to all.”
The good, healthy experiences are so welcomed and so appreciated, but most of all I want to thank my struggles, my illnesses, the things and situations I hate, any one who acts as an enemy to me, lied to me and every asshole that ever pissed me off in any way in my life, in my personal life or just even traffic or tried to stand in the way of righteous life for me.
You negative, evil forces are all my most beneficial experiences, because you are the reason I am successful.
So Thank you and God Bless. I pray you all get what you deserve and have amazing spiritual growth this year.

“Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast.

Mark Twain

And to everyone and everything else, I say Follow me! I have a clear flag. We can print any thing we want on it. Our journey will be sobriety, love, truth, sanity and a solid one foot in front of the other movement forward with a Higher Power who knows what is best for us. One day at a time in truth, justice, energy  and reality and not just sitting in front of our computers or televisions wishing we had a life.
Let’s GO FOR IT!!!  Rip It Up and Start Again
Happy Blissful New Year
Love,
Soberdriver
“The New Year”

So this is the new year.
And i don’t feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let’s make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There’d be no distance that could hold us back.
There’d be no distance that could hold us back.