Dry Drunks


Some try to manage their drinking without any help other than to just stop drinking. Sometimes, what caused us to drink excessively in the first place is still looming in our lives. Nothing is resolved. None of us say that AA is the only solution to sane living, but it really does help to have another alcoholic to talk to.

What is a dry drunk?

Some people who do not manage the reasons they drank to begin with, will still maintain the same behavior as when they were drinking. Anger, control issues, anxiety and depression are sure signs that the dry alcoholic may need some help getting to the root of their drinking problem. Trying to control every one and every thing is an illusion we can not afford as recovering alcoholics. We find that the world goes on just fine with out our micro-managing.

“Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too. 

Finally their old friend let them down… they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking… whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say “so long” to the bottle.

Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.”

Gil Scott Heron

The Bottle 1974

that black boy over there, runnin’ scared
his ol’ man’s in a bottle.
He done quit his 9 to 5 to drink full time
so now he’s livin’ in the bottle.
See that Black boy over there, runnin’ scared
his ol’ man got a problem
Pawned off damn near everything, his ol’
woman’s weddin’ ring for a bottle.
And don’t you think it’s a crime
when time after time, people in the bottle.

See that sista, sho wuz fine before she
started drinkin’ wine
from the bottle.
Said her ol’ man committed a crime
and he’s doin’ time,
so now she’s in the bottle.
She’s out there on the avenue, all by herself
sho’ needs help from the bottle.
Preacherman tried to help her out,
she cussed him out and hit him in the head with a bottle.
And don’t you think it’s a crime
when time after time, people in the bottle.

See that gent in the wrinkled suit
he done damn near blown his cool
to the bottle
He wuz a doctor helpin’ young girls along
if they wuzn’t too far gone to have problems.
But defenders of the dollar eagle
Said “What you doin’, Doc, it ain’t legal,”
and now he’s in the bottle.
Now we watch him everyday tryin’ to
chase the pigeons away
from the bottle.
And don’t you think it’s a crime
when time after time, people in the bottle.




Hang-over


Puking our brains out, headaches, memory loss, black outs… Whew! that was fun.

Ya know, there is a point when it just stops working. Like all addictions. it just becomes a bad habit, an obsession, something we can’t stop doing.

 

Hangovers and black outs, a way of life for alcoholics, but we couldn’t stop drinking until we truly wanted to change our lives.

Desire is the key. Really wanting change. Really seeing ourselves in the light of day. Really taking the risk of change takes real courage. Asking for help takes courage. Coming to our first AA meeting takes real courage. Honesty takes real courage. Awakening to ourselves and our thoughts takes courage.

Being honest with ourselves is our first step.

Then we get honest with others and that is an even deeper level of courage.

A hangover describes the sum of unpleasant physiological effects following heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages. The most commonly reported characteristics of a hangover include headache, nausea, sensitivity to light and noise, lethargy, dysphoria, diarrhea and thirst, typically after the intoxicating effects of the alcohol begin to wear off. While a hangover can be experienced at any time, generally speaking a hangover is experienced the morning after a night of heavy drinking. In addition to the physical symptoms, a hangover may also induce psychological symptoms including heightened feelings of depression and anxiety.

Hypoglycemia, dehydration, acetaldehyde intoxication, glutamine rebound, and vitamin B12 deficiency are all theorized causes of hangover symptoms.

Addiction/Obsession. It is always fascinating how we can’t give something up, even when it is obviously a hopeless situation. How we are compelled to do the same thing over and over expecting different results. How our habits control us. How we can’t stop doing the very thing that sets us back, that cages us, that controls us, that eventually kills us. When it stops working, it’s not much of a party anymore. The pay offs are hangovers and wreckage.

If you can’t stop …

What You Need for a HANG-OVER is:

  • A bed
  • Peace and quiet
  • A shower
  • Water
  • Juice
  • Gatorade or Powerade
  • Pickle juice
  • Bloody Mary (Ya, this one works right?)

My Obsession

Rolling Stones

Between the Buttons


My Ash


Today is Ash Wednesday.

Now that we had our big Mardi Gras Fat Tuesday blow out,

Lent means giving  up something until Easter.

Since I have no vices…I am giving up excessive worry.

I am so over worrying.

Giving it all up to the Higher Power.

Like a big third step

Turn your will (thoughts) and your life (actions) over to the care of God (Higher Power, Goddess, the Big Guy…)

In the future, I would like to give my Higher Power something nicer for Lent rather than all my bad stuff, but I guess God can transform the bad into some thing good like water into wine or sand into cocaine. HaHaHaHa

Kidding…

Giving up worry…                                    

Seems like a simple solution.

Worth a try…

Until Easter…

Patti Smith

Easter 1978

Easter Sunday, we were walking.
Easter Sunday, we were talking.
Isabel, my little one, take my hand. Time has come.

Isabella, all is glowing.
Isabella, all is knowing.
And my heart, Isabella.
And my head, Isabella.

Frederick and Vitalie, savior dwells inside of thee.
Oh, the path leads to the sun. Brother, sister, time has come.

Isabella, all is glowing.
Isabella, all is knowing.
Isabella, we are dying.
Isabella, we are rising.

I am the spring, the holy ground,
the endless seed of mystery,
the thorn, the veil, the face of grace,
the brazen image, the thief of sleep,
the ambassador of dreams, the prince of peace.
I am the sword, the wound, the stain.
Scorned transfigured child of Cain.
I rend, I end, I return.
Again I am the salt, the bitter laugh.
I am the gas in a womb of light, the evening star,
the ball of sight that leads that sheds the tears of Christ
dying and drying as I rise tonight.

Isabella, we are rising.


Failure


If you give up the drink does that mean you are weak, that you can’t “handle” your liquor?

When you say alcohol is stronger than you are, does that mean you have failed?

Some of us have the disease of alcoholism and yes, alcohol is stronger than us if we put it in our bodies, but we are stronger than alcohol, if we don’t drink.

This goes for alcohol in other people’s bodies as well. I can’t stop you from drinking too much, but I can take care of myself and not be affected by what you ingest.

Is a relationship a failure if it does not stay together?

When a relationship breaks up, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t work out. It just means it worked out apart.

Trying to force a dead relationship to work is like trying to control drinking for an alcoholic.

Giving up alcohol was so much easier than trying to control it and act like all was fine. Those last few drinking years were the hardest of my life. It took all my energy to make it all look good on the outside so no one knew I was miserable. I even tried to make my relationship look like it was fine too and that was a huge joke.

I just didn’t want to admit powerlessness.

I thought I was in control.  Like I had some kind of mind control. Everything all in its place, looking the part, all neat and controlled, but inside, I was outa control for real. Besides I wasn’t fooling any one really.

False Pride is failure in my book.

Why be something that you’re not?

Now I choose the easier softer way…

It looks like quite a feat to give up alcohol for 21 years, but really it has been an amazing fun adventure.

Creep  1994

Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You’re so fucking special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I’m not around
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell I’m doing here?
I don’t belong here

She’s running out the door
She’s running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You’re so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here
I don’t belong here


March the Third Step


Every month, some of our meetings focus on a step a month.

This month is Step Three.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

The words in that step used to piss me off, because Bill W. and Dr. Bob already defined my Higher Power as “Him.”

However, over twenty one years, I have softened and remembered that the modern days have become more inclusive of all kinds of interpretations of who our Higher Power is to us, personally.

It makes it a lot easier for us to come into the rooms and allow something greater than ourselves run the show.

When I first got sober, I was in a relationship in which, I was so controlling of my partner that it made me physically sick. I had just started the steps and had come to Step Three. I was in the illusion I was calling the shots in the relationship and behind my back, my partner was lying about the affairs they were having.(I hope this person is happy. I pray for all to have the good will of our Higher Power in our lives, including this ex)

I began to wake up to all the shenanigans and my partner left. I like to think they left, because now, my Higher Power was running the show and lies could not stand in the light of truth. The truth all came out in a really magical way, thanks to two very good friends who helped me out of that bondage.

By myself, I believed what I wanted to hear. I was so busy trying to control every thing, spying on my partner, feeling the dishonesty, it took up a lot of my energy and creativity and time. Not to mention I was blocking a very important relationship with someone very special. When I let go and joined up with my Higher Power, the liar left and I began to really grow up. I lived alone for a while. In fact, I have been alone many times in sobriety and I learn a lot about myself. I don’t feel sorry for myself very long. I understand I am never alone with my AA family and my Higher Power as constant presence in my life. I do the work and it pays off.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

This Growing Up in Public thing takes a lot of courage. To admit defeat over alcohol and people and let go and trust my Higher Power was the biggest step I took. This step I practice daily, some times hourly and I don’t always get what I want, but I sure as HELL get what I need!

God laughs while we are busy making plans.

My sponsor says it’s like getting in a rowboat and letting go of the oars and going with the current.

I am super grateful for this step.

Trust, faith and surrender.

Let Go

Frou Frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
’cause it’s all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we’ve no time for later now
you can’t await your own arrival
you’ve 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown


Put on Your Seat Belt


Tips from Sober Driver

Do we get into a car when a friend has had a few drinks and insists on driving?

How do we handle that ?

Is it illegal to take away a drunk person’s car keys?

She is demanding her keys back, because they’re her property. She swears she is not planning to drive, but on a previous occasion, when she finally got her keys back, she promptly took off to a local bar. With this precedent, is it legally acceptable to withhold someone’s car keys from them as long as they’re intoxicated?

Etiquette

Entertaining a guest who is an alcoholic in recovery.

  • Feel free to serve alcohol beverages at your gathering. You need not plan your party around a guest you know is in recovery. “Alcoholism comes in a person, not in a bottle. The recovering alcoholic won’t suddenly relapse if alcohol is available.”
  • Don’t make a big deal of it if someone at your party is in recovery. There are plenty of reasons people say no to alcohol beverages, including preference, dieting, interactions with medications, and serving as designated driver, as well as being in recovery from alcoholism. There is no reason to differentiate one guest’s reason for abstaining from another’s. If someone declines a drink, don’t ask why.
  • Include non-alcoholic beverages in your offerings. While some non-drinkers will drink non-alcoholic beer and wine, most recovering alcoholics prefer beverages that don’t look or taste like the real thing.
  • Foods cooked with wine, brandy, and other spirits long enough to destroy the alcohol content are technically OK. Most, but not all recovering alcoholics feel comfortable eating them, so let guests know what’s cooked with alcohol.
  • Foods with uncooked alcohol are another matter. If you include them on your buffet table, label them so the recovering alcoholic can steer clear.
  • The same goes for punch; let guests know if it contains alcohol.

Don’t drink and drive and don’t ride with anyone who has too much to drink. Remember, it is usually themselves and their passengers who are harmed by drunk drivers. Volunteer to be a designated driver.

  • If you must drive after drinking, stay completely sober:
  • Don’t be fooled. The contents of the typical bottle or can of beer, glass of wine, or liquor drink each contain virtually identical amounts of pure alcohol. When it comes to alcohol, a drink is a drink is a drink and are all the same to a breathalyzer.
  • Drink Safely graphicKnow your limit.

  • Eat food while you drink. Food, especially high protein food such as meat, cheese and peanuts, will help slow the absorption of alcohol into your body.
  • Sip your drink.
  • Accept a drink only when you really want one. If someone tries to force a drink on you, ask for a non-alcohol beverage instead. If that doesn’t work, “lose” your drink by setting it down somewhere and leaving it.
  • Skip a drink now and then. Having a non-alcoholic drink between alcoholic ones will help keep your blood alcohol content level down, as does spacing out your alcoholic drink.
  • Keep active; don’t just sit around and drink. If you stay active you tend to drink less.
  • Beware of unfamiliar drinks. Some drinks can be deceiving as the alcohol content is not detectable.
  • Use alcohol carefully in connection with pharmaceuticals.

PROTECT OTHERS

  • Designated Driver graphic Volunteer to be a designated driver.
  • Don’t ever let your friends drive drunk. Take their keys, have them stay the night, have them ride home with someone else, call a cab, or do whatever else is necessary – but don’t let them drive!

Drink Drive Black Flag 1985

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmC87hXM1WM


Bar Fights


This could be you! or it would’ve been me..

I took this photo at a UK Subs show last November. This British kid landed right at my feet and was so totally blasted and so obnoxious that his punk “tribe” turned on him. The guy trying to pick him up and care for him was the kid who hit him on the head with the beer bottle.

The kid didn’t die, but he was out cold for a while. Paramedics were called and police. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Bar fights!

How I miss… LOL