RIP Mydolls Guitarist, Kathy Johnston

In Houston,Texas, there is a post punk band called Mydolls.

Mydolls formed in 1978 and has stayed together in friendship and played shows since then.

Sometime in the 90’s Mydolls added a 5th player, Kathy Johnston. 

Kathy was a terrific guitarist. Completely devoted to Mydolls and her partner, Dianna Ray, bass player of Mydolls.

Kathy was diagnosed with Leukemia in 2004 and has fought the good fight for her life bravely since then.

She passed away on Saturday September 4, 2011 at 58 years old.

Rest in peace, sweet Kathy.

The We Journey

When I first expressed an interest in getting sober, a good friend gave me an AA meeting directory and said,

“I am going to mark all my favorite meetings so you can join me.

I told her, “Oh no, this is some thing I need to do alone.”

Little did I get it that, AA is all about the WE .

It isn’t about the, I have to do it alone…

Growing up an only child from a single parent home, I learned to be alone really well. I’m never bored alone. However, the lack of human contact was missing in my world. I isolated, afraid of interacting with people because I felt awkward, special and unique in my pain.

So now, I get it that the first word of the first step is WE.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.

OK, this would be the dorkiest place to insert the song, We are the World, but yikes! what a shitty song, so here is Culturcide doing, They Aren’t the World.

The Struggle of True Love

My mom once said to me, “Love is a series of Tiny Surrenders.”

I totally get that now. Letting go of one’s child allowing them to grow up and make mistakes and fall and look stupid and be uncomfortable…Wow!!

Hat’s off to you parents for this really hard job.

And for those of us who love our pets so much, we put clothes on them, humanize them and worry about them to the point of, “Huh?

Allowing our animals to be the beautiful animals they were meant to be can be a struggle, finding true love beyond trying to make them human can be a lot of work for some of us.

Our families, a special kind of love. No, we didn’t get to choose them, but if we are lucky we will like each other and get to have a bond that is incredibly special. Hopefully, we respect and truly love each other and can rely on our family always being there. Sometimes this can be a struggle. Sometimes a true miracle will occur.

Friendships, we get to chose, and friends come and go, but the ones that stay no matter any disagreement and personality issues, whom we can trust with our secrets and tell all our problems to. This love is beyond words, how friends have pulled us from the depths of despair. Much like the bond of our AA friendships and family. This is such a special love, truly being present for each other, because we choose to be.

And romantic love? Who really gets this any way? Is it mostly a chemical thing when two people click on all levels of mind, body, heart and spirit…way more complex than any other relationship?  Sometimes it’s just not meant to be and we try to force this and make a relationship happen or make some one love us, or miss someone that our hearts hurt beyond human forbearance. But what is truth?

Addiction keeps us from truth, much less love. We are only interested in what we want when we want it. We use control and guilt and shame and sneaky ways to get it, like a drink for an alcoholic. People left in our wake may not be able to handle our behavior.

True love hides from force. True love can leap from tall buildings in a single bound and needs to be free.

That old saying, “If you love something let it go (in AA, we say no half measures) and if it comes back to you, it was yours all along”

Really says it all.

If you, or someone you know, is battling to shed their cocoon, keep in mind, true love may require that you allow them to struggle for a season, to gain strength to become that beautiful butterfly.

Iron Butterfly

Ina Gadda Da Vida 1968


When I first got sober my mind was so jumbled I could barely listen to music. My father was a musician, an untreated alcoholic who died at 52 years old, but I am so lucky to have an amazing step father who is still alive. I am so grateful that I got sober and can really honor having a wonderful, present father in my life.

My musician father gave me the gift of music.

I grew up on jazz and music always being played in our house, I came to love all types of music.

In these blogs, I try to include music that has inspired me through out my life.

At 13, I was already listening to FM and what is now called alternative music. I am drawn to strange syncopation and out of the ordinary beats and lyrics that leave the listener with a question of what they meant.

Some of the music I adore is harsh, loud and hard and cuts through a nice day at the park.

Music saved me. Playing in bands in the 80s and communicating with others saved me too. I am blessed with inspirational female musicians in my bands and hot male drummers.

In my past, alcohol had me and when I gave it up, I had to rearrange my thoughts re-train myself to hear. It was hard to give up my hunger for music, but I just couldn’t hear or concentrate for a few years.  I listened to popular “alternative” and lost focus on the coolest bands that were coming out of the garages.

But, today I am back, playing music and so happy. Funny when you let go, the thing you let go of comes back 7 fold.


Learning about what I missed in the 90’s has been amazing.

So many great bands now!! and we are so lucky to have SXSW in Texas and get bands from all over playing in our state in the spring time. This year is the 25th anniversary. Houston gets the overflow bands. (Bands that have gas money to drive down and play here) SXSW shows are short showcases about 15 minutes long so it’s more fun to see a real show here and not battle the crowds. Still all that energy in one place is super exciting.

In the 80s, we had so many more options, because we were out in the streets, out all night in live music clubs and really physically being part of the music scene, but sadly with internet and social media, the live music shows are less attended and more left to listening on YouTube..

With that said.

Here is one of my new faves that I missed…

From Denton

White Drugs

I Hate Your Face

Spunky Devil

Day 57 of doing 90 AA meetings in 90 days. Having a GREAT time meeting new people and going to meetings all over town.

When I got sober I really thought, “My life is over.”

When I gave up alcohol 21 years ago I thought, “What fun is this? No one I know is sober.”

When I gave up sugar three years ago, I thought, “Is there life after refined sugar?”

Yes, I have happily survived living without those things.

In Tarot, the card that signifies addiction, is the Devil.

The Devil means  BONDAGE TO THE MATERIAL WORLD   Yikes!!

This could be addiction to anything, but it can also mean bondage to an emotion:

Rage, worry, jealousy, anger, fear, disappointment, guilt, remorse, envy, romantic love, sadness all can be an obsession.

Anything can be used to keep us from the positive power we can tap into.

Addiction can make us do crazy things.

It isn’t easy of course. Courage and energy are involved to get sober or to give up an obsession or an addiction, but it starts with the first step.

“We admitted we were powerless over____ and our lives have become unmanageable.”

One has to be aware their behavior is an addiction.

The people being held captive by the Devil are not really chained. They have choice.

I never thought being sober was cool, but it is great to be able to think and accomplish and communicate and actually finish our ideas.

The physical world : Working out, running, sex and just getting the day done physically is way better and FUN!

Many perks to living the sober life.

I am more of a little Devil than ever…but in a good way.


Big Boys 1982

You don’t understand what we are trying to say
you don’t listen to us anyway
all of this, is just for fun
we ain’t here, to hurt no one

fun fun fun
that’s what we say
fun fun fun
that’s what we play
fun fun fun
no matter what they think
fun fun fun
who asked em’ anyway

im a punk, and i like sham
cockney rejects, are the worlds greatest band
but I like joy division, and public image too
thery’re an image of what im suppose to be

You are Only as Sick as Your Secrets

You are only as sick as your secrets, is a 12 step saying I have heard for the last 21 years.

Not sure of its origin, but this saying has been quoted many times in the press by “stars” who have been in rehab.

The Pain Teens had a cool song called Secret is Sickness, but I can’t find a video or the lyrics. I did find this cool link to The Basement which was a horrible secret about an abused girl, Sylvia Likens, who was kept in a basement. Read the comments on his link. I think the lyrics are spot on, as far as revealing Sylvia’s story.

Enjoy my beautiful friend, Bliss Blood and the Pain Teens!

Sick As Your Secrets By Veruca Salt


Sick of the night

Sick of the day
Sick of the sun that burns you
Knuckling it
Wasting away
Color yourself back in again

You’re as sick as your secrets
You’re as sick as your secrets
You’re as sick as your secrets

Into the bath
Into the grey
Hating yourself so much it hurts
Up from a nap
Wish you were brave
But you’re not that kind of person

You’re as sick as your secrets
You’re sick of it

Keeping secrets and hiding away the truth is as damaging as stealing.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.  ~Mark Twain

It takes so much energy to keep secrets.  Time and freedom is stolen from yourself and from others.

The AA 5th step lets us tell our deepest darkest secrets to some one else, usually finding that the secrets weren’t so bad after all.

Maybe some are sicker than others. I think Sylvia Likens would say so.

Still, our values and our standards are our own individually, and only we, can judge how we should make amends.

Amends means Change not “I’m Sorry.”

I am respectful now and listen and it is painfully boring.

Feel like yelling…?

Fuckin’ go for it

Go Ahead!