I got a bad case of the Fuck Its..

Apathy rules!

It’s too hot for Revolution.

Don’t give a shit mutha fuka!

REALLY RED Bored with Apathy

The Third Step Prayer

from page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

God, I offer myself to Thee- 
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!


When I first got sober my mind was so jumbled I could barely listen to music. My father was a musician, an untreated alcoholic who died at 52 years old, but I am so lucky to have an amazing step father who is still alive. I am so grateful that I got sober and can really honor having a wonderful, present father in my life.

My musician father gave me the gift of music.

I grew up on jazz and music always being played in our house, I came to love all types of music.

In these blogs, I try to include music that has inspired me through out my life.

At 13, I was already listening to FM and what is now called alternative music. I am drawn to strange syncopation and out of the ordinary beats and lyrics that leave the listener with a question of what they meant.

Some of the music I adore is harsh, loud and hard and cuts through a nice day at the park.

Music saved me. Playing in bands in the 80s and communicating with others saved me too. I am blessed with inspirational female musicians in my bands and hot male drummers.

In my past, alcohol had me and when I gave it up, I had to rearrange my thoughts re-train myself to hear. It was hard to give up my hunger for music, but I just couldn’t hear or concentrate for a few years.  I listened to popular “alternative” and lost focus on the coolest bands that were coming out of the garages.

But, today I am back, playing music and so happy. Funny when you let go, the thing you let go of comes back 7 fold.


Learning about what I missed in the 90’s has been amazing.

So many great bands now!! and we are so lucky to have SXSW in Texas and get bands from all over playing in our state in the spring time. This year is the 25th anniversary. Houston gets the overflow bands. (Bands that have gas money to drive down and play here) SXSW shows are short showcases about 15 minutes long so it’s more fun to see a real show here and not battle the crowds. Still all that energy in one place is super exciting.

In the 80s, we had so many more options, because we were out in the streets, out all night in live music clubs and really physically being part of the music scene, but sadly with internet and social media, the live music shows are less attended and more left to listening on YouTube..

With that said.

Here is one of my new faves that I missed…

From Denton

White Drugs

I Hate Your Face


The funny thing is:

Our solution to loneliness is, to be by ourselves.

Almost without exception Alcoholics and Addicts of all kinds are tortured by loneliness.

We suffer old pangs of anxious apartness.

The 5th step relieves our terrible burden of guilt.

“Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

5th step keywords:

Objective look, Humility, Courage, Honesty, Relief, Admitting.


Joy Division

The Promises

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Many of us come from dysfunctional families, are children of alcoholics, have had abuse or just gotten ourselves in relationships in which we felt abandoned through out our lives. A lot of us are set up to just wait for the other shoe to drop. Even when we are having success and happiness we think, “This can’t last.”

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous promises us absolute success of the promises coming true. However, it may not be in the way we would like it to be. We may want a certain job or a certain lover or a certain decision to go in our favor and it may not be the best for us. We could not have written it the way it will turn out.

If we learn to let go absolutely and allow the universe to send us what is meant to be, not what we force to be and we give ourselves over to what is honest, good and healthy in our lives, then the promises will come true. The steps and principles teach us to trust in the Higher Power and get out of our own way.

If we hang on to old ideals, things, people, situations and substances that don’t work in our lives, we will never see these beautiful words come to light. Every thing will be out of balance until we completely surrender.

So step into faith and trust that there is Good working and that Good wants us to be happy, joyous and free.

Try it!

Leonard Cohen From The Piano (This movie changed my life)


Bar Fights

This could be you! or it would’ve been me..

I took this photo at a UK Subs show last November. This British kid landed right at my feet and was so totally blasted and so obnoxious that his punk “tribe” turned on him. The guy trying to pick him up and care for him was the kid who hit him on the head with the beer bottle.

The kid didn’t die, but he was out cold for a while. Paramedics were called and police. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Bar fights!

How I miss… LOL