New Year Bliss

Around summer, I felt the incredible simplicity of Houston and just basic southern living. It was way hot due to the lack of rain and we had to slow way down to function. Known as the city of “fronts, Houston gets the backlash of whatever weather is going on around us. So last summer, we caught a desert fire wind for a few months which has now passed into this amazing winter.

Our winters are mild here in Houston. We have sun almost every day with a cool crispness most would call Fall. It is gorgeous and what I call “Soft.”

The much needed rain falls and we are grateful.

How fortunate we are to live in this laid back city that feels that easy energy! In the winter, we can run every day, be outside in the sun and our energy bills go way down, because we don’t use the air conditioners or much heat.

I am 22 years sober today. I am so grateful for my Higher Power, for my life, my sobriety, Alcoholics Anonymous, the people of Alcoholic Anonymous, my experiences, my successes, my losses, my soul mates, my friends, my enemies, my co-workers, my pets, my family, my work, my health, my creative work, the every day routine of my work, the trials of my life and the incredible miracles of my life. For the peace I feel that no matter what happens I am never alone, never abandoned and I will always land on my feet as long as I stay aligned with the will of my Higher Power.

I am grateful for my sobriety so I can experience ALL of my feelings, for my time alone, for my time together, for being able to be present at the deaths I have experienced, to be present for my loved ones who suffered great loss, to be present for my pets when I needed to put them to sleep, for all the hardest aspects of my life, because that is what has made me so much stronger and alive to know the truth and to face what is real.
I don’t always get what I want, but I get what I need. And I just want to say, “Thank you to all.”
The good, healthy experiences are so welcomed and so appreciated, but most of all I want to thank my struggles, my illnesses, the things and situations I hate, any one who acts as an enemy to me, lied to me and every asshole that ever pissed me off in any way in my life, in my personal life or just even traffic or tried to stand in the way of righteous life for me.
You negative, evil forces are all my most beneficial experiences, because you are the reason I am successful.
So Thank you and God Bless. I pray you all get what you deserve and have amazing spiritual growth this year.

“Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast.

Mark Twain

And to everyone and everything else, I say Follow me! I have a clear flag. We can print any thing we want on it. Our journey will be sobriety, love, truth, sanity and a solid one foot in front of the other movement forward with a Higher Power who knows what is best for us. One day at a time in truth, justice, energy  and reality and not just sitting in front of our computers or televisions wishing we had a life.
Let’s GO FOR IT!!!  Rip It Up and Start Again
Happy Blissful New Year
“The New Year”

So this is the new year.
And i don’t feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance
So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions
So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let’s make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one
I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There’d be no distance that could hold us back.
There’d be no distance that could hold us back.


It is “Fall” here.

Houston has its steamy season mixed wih crisp cool days of sun. Our sporadic rainclouds pepper the sky with hopes of welcomed rainfall.

As we travel the freeways, our windshield wipers dance with the raindrops and the sprinkling of mists.

Crazy, grackle birds invade us this time of year and live on our power lines. Their black forms against our azure sunsets are amazing.

Birds LOVE Houston!

We love this time of year in Space City. We are not threatened with hurricanes, storms or floods, drought or harsh cold weather. We can count on surviving the minor times of freezing temperatures. We are guaranteed a safe future for a few months.

In life, there are not many times we can look forward to constancy. Maybe that is why we welcome routine and order.

For all of us while growing up, things changed so quickly.

Some of us had severe changes, waiting for the other shoe to drop, not knowing what to expect.

Latch key kids, parents drinking, kids being shamed, beaten, left alone in danger..

We stayed close to the television watching Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver and wondered if that kind of life really existed.

So, today in these fall days when we feel we have it all, we feel safe and secure knowing all is well as the year’s end approaches.

Here is a GREAT Calendar Song by the Fall. WE love Mark E. Smith.

Hey – don’t you want – to be caught
Hey – don’t you want – to be caught
Unbrainwash – today
October – gives way – to Christmas
What gets in the way
It was a very – good – month – last week
What gets in the way
Your mirrors are dissolving today
The last – three weeks –
were the great month of February



Some days are just so perfect. Laughter, love, creativity, all the little joys of life. Staying in the moment, because we know these days end and right “now” is all we have. Perfection isn’t a diamond ring or tons of roses or your boss giving you a raise or your kid graduating. It is the process of how we got we there and being on that wave crest of gratitude and joy for that second in time. The stumbles, the blockages, the pain of trudging the road of happy destiny is all about the perfect moment.

Our tendency is to focus on the negative. Reading the news and the gossip will send us over the edge. We grumble like pirates at anything we don’t agree with. We hang onto our out-dated beliefs, relationships, ideas and situations that don’t work any more.

Loads of broken junk fill our lives.

It’s hard to stop the habits of disappointment and fear. We want to hurt and punish those we “love” (what kind of love is that?), get revenge on the cashier at the grocery store who was rude to us, whatever, whoever hasn’t been perfect in our lives must pay.

So, how does this relate to being sober? We think perfection is about acceptance, the Third step. Being where we are right now and accepting it.

We can’t control it. We didn’t cause it and we can’t cure it.

But then, there are those “perfect” days when, who cares!? We are happy right now…in the mess of life.

DJ Shadow

Midnight in a Perfect World

T’is fat…

Insight, foresight, moresight,
The clock on the wall reads a quarter past midnight

You came into the garden of mine, ahh…
Life came seeking for love, for love

Midnight, midnight, midnight, midnight

By darker falls
The midnight rush
You came into the garden of mine, ahh…
Life came seeking for love, for love

Emotional Independence

No one can make you happy. Happiness is a choice.
Our purpose is to stay sober and help others.

Anything else is lagniappe, a little sumpin” extra.

“Happiness is overrated.”
The point isn’t always to feel happy, the point is to feel and be alive in our skin.

Don’t get too taken in by the good times.

Don’t get too taken in by the bad times.

No Pressure, No diamonds.

“Rejoice when you suffer, for you are being perfected for a calling.”

Is this some shite or what..??
Pain sucks!

Perhaps our calling is to be an example of sobriety. Our calling, may be to be, an example of honesty or bravery or taking control of our lives and not allowing anyone to use us or control us or treat us like doormats.

 Photo by F.Carter Smith

Is pain growth?
People and situations who have given us the worst disappointments in life have been our greatest teachers. They are who teach us what we don’t want in our lives or in our relationships.

Fuck those assholes!

I say, “Stick with the winners. Don’t settle on second best or being second best and above all, don’t lose our voices, our independence, ourselves by being a doormat for others to walk on.”

What is the pay off of being dependent on others to make us happy?

What is the cost of trying to make every one around us happy?

It is not up to us to “make” others happy. Being happy is a personal choice.

Being able to control other’s happiness is illusion…

If we never want any thing, if we  just settle and not feel anything, we may “think” we are happy or wait around until some else “makes” us happy, if we never risk change, we never get to grow and really feel and experience what life has to offer, good or bad. Now that’s a choice. We ain’t amoebas baby.

Hey, getting out of bed every day is risky

There’s a big world out there, a lot of choices, if we can overcome fear and get out there and live.

Doormat by Robert Borden (This little guy has a lot of wisdom)


80th DAY of my 90 AA meetings in 90 days journey. The days have flown past.

Truly, it’s not that special to do a meeting a day. I know plenty of AA’ers who go to not only one meeting a day, but several. HOWEVER, for me who has been a one to two-meeting a week grrl for the last 10 or 12 years, it is so fulfilling to dedicate myself back to the program. It has been an amazing renewal. The 12th step is carrying the message to others who still suffer. Showing up at a meeting is doing the 12th step. What if you went to your first meeting and no one was there?!  Yikes!

Yesterday, a preview of Texas summer on the first day of Spring! The only thing you can count on is change! and it’s a gonna get hot here!

Today, a special day going to the park with a life long friend and her ailing Yellow Lab dog who is reaching the end of his life. I will photograph him by his favorite fountain. Again, I am grateful for being present at such special times, to be asked to be included is an honor and I am thankful for home, coffee with a crazy, stretchy puppy who has a great big, beautiful life ahead, our window-gazing and the sureness there is much to look forward to. A Place Called Home 2000

PJ Harvey

One day
I know
We’ll find
A place of hope
Just hold on to me
Just hold on to me
Walk tight
One line
You’re wanted
This time
There’s no-one to blame
Just hold on to me

And I’m right on time
And the birds keep singing
And you’re right on line
And the bells keep ringing come on my love
And the battle is won
And the planes keep winging
And I’m right on time
And the girl keeps singing

I walk
I wade
Through full lands
And lonely
I stumble
I stumble
With you
I wait
To be born
With love comes the day
Just hold on to me

Now is the time to follow through, to read the signs
Now the message is sent, let’s bring it to its final end


My Puppy

In a time when vampires and polygamy and fancy vodka are the fashion du’ jour, I just want to say, “I love my puppy.”

This little, crazy spirit in my life turned two today and I could not be more grateful.

I love that I am sober and can take care of a creature, that I am compelled to be out in the amazing air, walking in the sun with an exuberant puppy jumping all around me. Absolutely no cares, just pure love.

Keep it simple…

Just sayin’…

March the Third Step

Every month, some of our meetings focus on a step a month.

This month is Step Three.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

The words in that step used to piss me off, because Bill W. and Dr. Bob already defined my Higher Power as “Him.”

However, over twenty one years, I have softened and remembered that the modern days have become more inclusive of all kinds of interpretations of who our Higher Power is to us, personally.

It makes it a lot easier for us to come into the rooms and allow something greater than ourselves run the show.

When I first got sober, I was in a relationship in which, I was so controlling of my partner that it made me physically sick. I had just started the steps and had come to Step Three. I was in the illusion I was calling the shots in the relationship and behind my back, my partner was lying about the affairs they were having.(I hope this person is happy. I pray for all to have the good will of our Higher Power in our lives, including this ex)

I began to wake up to all the shenanigans and my partner left. I like to think they left, because now, my Higher Power was running the show and lies could not stand in the light of truth. The truth all came out in a really magical way, thanks to two very good friends who helped me out of that bondage.

By myself, I believed what I wanted to hear. I was so busy trying to control every thing, spying on my partner, feeling the dishonesty, it took up a lot of my energy and creativity and time. Not to mention I was blocking a very important relationship with someone very special. When I let go and joined up with my Higher Power, the liar left and I began to really grow up. I lived alone for a while. In fact, I have been alone many times in sobriety and I learn a lot about myself. I don’t feel sorry for myself very long. I understand I am never alone with my AA family and my Higher Power as constant presence in my life. I do the work and it pays off.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

This Growing Up in Public thing takes a lot of courage. To admit defeat over alcohol and people and let go and trust my Higher Power was the biggest step I took. This step I practice daily, some times hourly and I don’t always get what I want, but I sure as HELL get what I need!

God laughs while we are busy making plans.

My sponsor says it’s like getting in a rowboat and letting go of the oars and going with the current.

I am super grateful for this step.

Trust, faith and surrender.

Let Go

Frou Frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
’cause it’s all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we’ve no time for later now
you can’t await your own arrival
you’ve 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown


The funny thing is:

Our solution to loneliness is, to be by ourselves.

Almost without exception Alcoholics and Addicts of all kinds are tortured by loneliness.

We suffer old pangs of anxious apartness.

The 5th step relieves our terrible burden of guilt.

“Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

5th step keywords:

Objective look, Humility, Courage, Honesty, Relief, Admitting.


Joy Division

Love is a Bitch

Last Valentine’s day, my dog passed away and I with the care of our wonderful veterinarian, put her to sleep in our home.

She lay in my arms as she left this Earth and I was alone with her, as it was meant to be.

This dog was a rescued Golden Retriever. The dogs I rescued, that I did not know their birth dates, I made Valentine’s day their big day.

A big love day for my gorgeous fur family.

So this year, I plan to make a huge celebration of life in memory of my grrl, her Birth and her Death Day.

Death and big stuff happens in sobriety and it is hard and sad and we all feel we will never get over our losses, but the truth is it is all how it is supposed to be. We lose, we win, we get hurt, we hurt others, our parents die, we lose a lover, our beloved pets pass away and it is just life after all.

Hanging on to loss and pain only dishonors what was beautiful and alive at one time.

So, my choice today is to celebrate and laugh and remember my sweet dog.

She only knew me sober. I had 9 years of pure love and joy with her.

And now there are other loves in my life and my heart remains open for them.

Had I been drinking, I could really wallow in my self-pity and loss,

but I have learned acceptance and that is the miracle of sobriety.

On the beach last February,my grrl and  (my very much alive, three-legged, one-eyed 2 year old puppy)