March the Third Step

Every month, some of our meetings focus on a step a month.

This month is Step Three.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

The words in that step used to piss me off, because Bill W. and Dr. Bob already defined my Higher Power as “Him.”

However, over twenty one years, I have softened and remembered that the modern days have become more inclusive of all kinds of interpretations of who our Higher Power is to us, personally.

It makes it a lot easier for us to come into the rooms and allow something greater than ourselves run the show.

When I first got sober, I was in a relationship in which, I was so controlling of my partner that it made me physically sick. I had just started the steps and had come to Step Three. I was in the illusion I was calling the shots in the relationship and behind my back, my partner was lying about the affairs they were having.(I hope this person is happy. I pray for all to have the good will of our Higher Power in our lives, including this ex)

I began to wake up to all the shenanigans and my partner left. I like to think they left, because now, my Higher Power was running the show and lies could not stand in the light of truth. The truth all came out in a really magical way, thanks to two very good friends who helped me out of that bondage.

By myself, I believed what I wanted to hear. I was so busy trying to control every thing, spying on my partner, feeling the dishonesty, it took up a lot of my energy and creativity and time. Not to mention I was blocking a very important relationship with someone very special. When I let go and joined up with my Higher Power, the liar left and I began to really grow up. I lived alone for a while. In fact, I have been alone many times in sobriety and I learn a lot about myself. I don’t feel sorry for myself very long. I understand I am never alone with my AA family and my Higher Power as constant presence in my life. I do the work and it pays off.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

This Growing Up in Public thing takes a lot of courage. To admit defeat over alcohol and people and let go and trust my Higher Power was the biggest step I took. This step I practice daily, some times hourly and I don’t always get what I want, but I sure as HELL get what I need!

God laughs while we are busy making plans.

My sponsor says it’s like getting in a rowboat and letting go of the oars and going with the current.

I am super grateful for this step.

Trust, faith and surrender.

Let Go

Frou Frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
’cause it’s all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we’ve no time for later now
you can’t await your own arrival
you’ve 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it’s so amazing here
it’s alright
’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown